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Archive | April, 2007
Newsbreaks for Monday
Audio version is here. Text:Beachgoers in Southern California have been discovering the corpses of dolphins and other sea mammals. Experts believe that the culprit is a certain type of toxic acid. “They freak out and forget how to swim,” said one. “We’ve GOT to find their dealer.” A Japanese company is selling a new patch [...]
Continue reading...Newsbreaks for Friday
27 April 2007
Audio version is here. Text:Last night, in the first debate of the 2008 Presidential race, Senator Barack Obama said that we are one signature away from ending the war in Iraq. “Hell,” Obama said, “he can even print.” “G…E…O…” In an effort to restrict kids’ access to junk food, the Institute of Medicine has come [...]
Continue reading...Newsbreaks for Thursday
26 April 2007
Audio version is here. Text:Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice has rejected a Congressional subpoena regarding Saddam and WMD. “This is an issue that has been answered and answered and answered,” Rice said. “I’m immoral, I’m irresponsible, and I’m an idiot.” Rice says she respects the oversight role of the legislative branch, but it’s that special [...]
Continue reading...Newsbreaks for Wednesday
25 April 2007
Audio version is here. Text:America took another step towards “grandpa-ocracy” today, as Arizona Senator John McCain announced his Presidential candidacy. Speaking in New Hampshire, he said that America was fighting “a global struggle with violent extremists.” And that’s just the Bush Administration. The candidate went on to pledge that he would work with anyone who [...]
Continue reading...Newsbreaks for Tuesday
24 April 2007
Audio version is here. Text:A week after the massacre at Virginia Tech, students at Baghdad Technology University are expressing their sympathy and solidarity. This banner reads, “Are you accepting transfer applications?” As far as how to heal, the Iraqi kids recommend prayer. You know the old saying: there are no atheists in lecture. The Baghdad [...]
Continue reading...Newsbreaks for Monday
23 April 2007
Audio version is here. Text:The Kremlin announced today that former Russian leader Boris Yeltsin has died at age 76. The cause of Mr. Yeltsin’s death was described as “heart failure,” but alcoholism is demanding a recount. The Veterans Administration has agreed to allow the pentagram, or five-pointed star, to be used on grave markers. “We’re [...]
Continue reading...Newsbreaks for Friday
21 April 2007
Audio version is here. Text:This week animal rights activists tried to block a Rolling Stones concert planned for Belgrade’s main racetrack. They’re concerned it will scare the horses stabled there. An activist said, “A jockey told them all about Altamont.” Eventually they reached a compromise: the concerts will go on, but the racehorses will be [...]
Continue reading...Newsbreaks for Thursday
19 April 2007
Audio version is here. Text:One day after the shooting at Virginia Tech, a Tennessee woman walked into a kindergarten classroom, pulled out a toy gun, and fired it several times. As she was wrestled to the ground, she was heard to say, “You guys have no sense of humor.” Here’s a picture of the woman. [...]
Continue reading...Newsbreaks for Wednesday
18 April 2007
Audio version is here. Text:Officials at the Antwerp Zoo are asking visitors not to interact with one of their animals, a male chimpanzee named Cheetah. Because Cheetah was raised by humans, he bonds more with people than with his own species and, as a zookeeper noted, “we’ve seen how well that works out.” A nude [...]
Continue reading...Newsbreaks for Tuesday
17 April 2007
Audio version is here. Text:In a video posted online, a top insurgent leader boasted today that his al-Qaida-linked group was now making its own rockets. All I can say is: fucking Estes, man. Less than a week after suffering a brutal car crash, New Jersey Governor Jon Corzine is still in critical condition, and facing [...]
Continue reading...At last! It's here!
For 30 years, Ravin fans wondered: What if Tom Larkin had survived? Now, the story can be told.
Mixing alternative history, hardboiled noir, parody and satire, Life After Death for Beginners is a must-read for every Beatles fan. "A cross between The Rutles and Three Days of the Condor. I loved it."—Jonathan Schwarz
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- Opinion: All facets of the government (including state law officials) continue to be corrupt. The difference is, black people are no longer to be feared. Not...
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30 April 2007
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