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Archive | March, 2007
Newsbreaks for Friday
Audio version is here. Text:Today, President Bush visited the veterans at Walter Reed Hospital. Secret Service officials confirmed that the visit went well, and that Mr. Bush’s “bedpan shield” functioned perfectly. Police all over the country say they are noticing an alarming new trend: pot growing in the suburbs. More and more frequently, police raid [...]
Continue reading...Newsbreaks for Thursday
29 March 2007
Audio version is here. Text:A judge in Illinois is preventing a Bears fan who lost a bar bet from legally changing his name to “Peyton Manning.” Judge Katherine McCarthy ruled that such a change might infringe on the quarterback’s rights. After the hearing, the fan expressed disappointment, saying, “Just for that, I’m changing it to [...]
Continue reading...Newsbreaks for Wednesday
29 March 2007
Had to do these quickly, but I still think they’re amusing. Audio version is here. Text:A new study by the Kaiser Family Foundation claims that most of the TV commercials aimed at children advertise unhealthy junk foods, snacks, and candy. The report went on to say that “there is no doubt whatsoever that we are [...]
Continue reading...Extra super-special video!
28 March 2007
I’ll upload today’s Newsbreaks later–first take a look at this parody that Jon and I created. Enjoy!
Continue reading...Newsbreaks for Tuesday
27 March 2007
One month of Newsbreaks! Let’s all celebrate by saying “fiber-octic cable.” Audio version is here. Text:Geneticists have identified a whole new type of twin, which they are calling “semi-identical.” I don’t know what this does for science, but it definitely opens up a whole new area of porn. All over the world, men are feverishly [...]
Continue reading...Newsbreaks for Monday
26 March 2007
Audio version is here. Text:The New Orleans Saints have hammered out an agreement with state officials that will keep them in that city until at least 2010. As part of the deal, FOX Sports is obligated to mention Hurricane Katrina after every Saints first down. A new report by the National Institutes of Health reveals [...]
Continue reading...Weekend Viewing
24 March 2007
Dennis Perrin serves up some funny word salad here.
Continue reading...Newsbreaks for Friday
24 March 2007
Audio version is here. Text:Nineteen months after Hurricane Katrina, New Orleans is still reeling. The government’s ineffectual, a lot of the poor and minorities have left, and more and more frightened citizens are carrying concealed weapons for protection. Wait a minute, this isn’t New Orleans, it’s Republican heaven. But let’s be honest; nobody’s happy about [...]
Continue reading...Newsbreaks for Thursday
22 March 2007
Audio version is here. Text:Simon and Schuster announced today that it is publishing a new book by Bill Clinton. The book–transcripts of conversations between Clinton and historian Taylor Branch–will be called “Wrestling History.” It will also feature a foreword by Hulk Hogan. Starbucks announced yesterday that Paul McCartney had signed a one-album deal with their [...]
Continue reading...Newsbreaks for Wednesday
22 March 2007
Happy Spring. Audio version is here. Text:Last weekend, a group of unidentified vandals broke into an excavation in the ancient city of Pompeii and toppled a huge column. Though no one has been arrested for the crime, authorities suspect that it was the work of the recently outlawed terrorist group, Friends of Vesuvius. A Boy [...]
Continue reading...At last! It's here!
For 30 years, Ravin fans wondered: What if Tom Larkin had survived? Now, the story can be told.
Mixing alternative history, hardboiled noir, parody and satire, Life After Death for Beginners is a must-read for every Beatles fan. "A cross between The Rutles and Three Days of the Condor. I loved it."—Jonathan Schwarz
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30 March 2007
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