Archive | February, 2007

Newsbreaks for Tuesday–NOW on VIDEO!

27 February 2007

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Enjoy! Audio version is here.

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Newsbreaks for Monday

26 February 2007

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Click here for podcast (extra joke). Today, the Iraqi cabinet approved draft legislation setting out that country will divide its vast oil wealth. Though the law still has to be ratified, it appears to have support among all of Iraq’s major factions: the Shi’ites, the Sunnis, the Kurds, and Halliburton. According to Iraq’s new constitution, [...]

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Newsbreaks for Friday

23 February 2007

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Click here for podcast version. Sky Harbor Airport in Phoenix is testing a new, more sensitive type of x-ray scanner that can actually see through clothing. “Not only will this keep passengers safer, it will also save money,” an airport official said. “People are working security for free.” If the device doesn’t catch on in [...]

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Newsbreaks for Thursday

22 February 2007

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Click here for podcast version. A group of fishermen off the coast of New Zealand recently reeled in what is expected to be the largest squid ever caught. See, that’s the thing about people like Barry Bonds–they’re role models. Ask yourself: what kind of message are we sending to our squids? An English woman is [...]

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Newsbreaks for Wednesday

21 February 2007

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Podcast now available! A Wisconsin man is recovering nicely one month after being so drunk he ran through a hotel window 16 stories above the ground. Joshua Hanson says he can’t remember the fall, or hitting the asphalt-covered awning that saved his life. The 29-year-old tavern owner isn’t planning on cutting back on the booze, [...]

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Newsbreaks for Tuesday

20 February 2007

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Podcast now available! San Francisco Giants’ slugger Barry Bonds arrived at spring training today, a day later than the rest of the team. When asked about the delay, Bonds said, “I had trouble finding a vein.” A Federal appeals court ruled today that people detained at Guantanamo Bay by the American military cannot appeal their [...]

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Newsbreaks for Monday

19 February 2007

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Podcast now available! The web site of a museum dedicated to the JFK assassination has unveiled new footage showing President Kennedy’s motorcade. The silent, 8 mm color film offers “the clearest, best film of Jackie in the motorcade,” said Gary Mack, curator of the Sixth Floor Museum. “You can clearly see that she has a [...]

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Newsbreaks for Friday

16 February 2007

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Podcast now available! Thanks to pressure from the NCAA, the University of Illinois will finally retire its mascot, Chief Illiwek. However, the NCAA plans to keep its mascot, the dollar bill. Lawyers for the estate of Federico Fellini are suing a New York-based pornographer who has used the name “La Dolce Vita” for two gay [...]

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Newsbreaks for Thursday

15 February 2007

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Podcast now available! Fox News has hired Joel Surnow, the creator of terror-porn smash ’24′ to create a right-wing version of The Daily Show. Says Surnow, “You can turn on any comedy satire show on TV and you’re going to hear 10 Bush jokes, 10 Cheney jokes, but you’ll never hear a Hillary Clinton.” Yep, [...]

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Newsbreaks for Wednesday

14 February 2007

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Podcast now available! In a press conference today, President Bush said he was certain that Iran was supplying deadly weapons to the Iraqi insurgency, and pledged that he was “going to do something about it.” The President then went on to define the term “deja vu.” Comedian Al Franken announced today that he was running [...]

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