Weekend Update style jokery, Day 1

Kate's learning how to write jokes like the ones on SNL's "Weekend Update," and as a good husband (who used to write that kind of material), I agreed to comb the news and write what are called "set-ups," the news bits that set up the punchline. Rather predictably, the old compulsion returned. I read 'em to Jon, and he said they were blog-worthy. Hope you enjoy them! Sunday, on “Meet the Press,” Arizona Senator John McCain said that while he was not currently considering a run for President in 2008, he refused to rule it out. Moments after McCain’s comments, the American people was heard to scream, “Oh Christ, it’s happening AGAIN…” Sunday, it was announced that Iraq’s elections will be held on January 30. Or maybe even sooner, if President Bush can find the Post-It he wrote the winner's name on. The head of Miami-Dade schools has asked police there to stop using tasers on elementary school children. We agree--kids today grow up too fast as it is. This week, the world’s oldest man, Fred Hale, Sr., died less than two weeks short of his 114th birthday. I guess he was sick of hearing that song. In an interview with “60 Minutes” last Sunday, actor Jim Carrey said that he is now “drug-free.” But who are you going to believe, him or your grandmother? Last Sunday, NASA launched an unmanned space observatory that would scan the universe for evidence of violent explosions that herald the birth of black holes. Here’s a tip: follow the car alarms.