Headline for a parody news article I will never write...
| "Experts Believe Kubler-Ross Skipped Several Steps Before Dying." |
posted by Michael at 4:02 PM
Jon calls this "a work of genius"--and I had to pay him almost nothing for the blurb. More mystery and mayhem in the Ivy League, mixing my world with real history to create something entertaining.
I've combed my archives to create this collection of my magazine humor. From The Yale Record to The New Yorker, the best of the pre-Barry years is in here.
My first non-parodic novel is now available! It's school like it ought to be: loud, eventful, and full of swearing!
I'm probably going to Hell for this C.S. Lewis spoof.
The ultimate Harry Potter parody. Three novels, 25 foreign editions, over a million copies sold--it's too much to list here, but you can read excerpts and buy the books at Barrytrotter.com!
- Hey Dullblog: A Beatles Blog
- Stutts University
- Barrytrotter.com
- Guide to Written Humor
- Summer of Soda
- Mike's Essential Beatles Bootlegs
- A Tiny Revolution
- Rasputin Bigbodie
- Bob Harris
- Dennis Perrin
- Mark Bazer
- Mike and Kate Go to LA
- Charlie Schroeder
- Dirk Voetberg
©2002-07 Michael Gerber. All rights reserved.
Comments on "Headline for a parody news article I will never write..."
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Hogwesian said ... (7:07 PM) :
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Hogwesian said ... (1:21 AM) :
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Michael said ... (9:27 AM) :
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Michael said ... (9:27 AM) :
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Hogwesian said ... (12:16 AM) :
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Hogwesian said ... (12:22 AM) :
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Michael said ... (12:12 PM) :
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Hogwesian said ... (10:04 PM) :
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Hogwesian said ... (10:06 PM) :
post a commentMike, since you did the article, here's my edition:
Why the Non Muslims hate the Muslims
1. They stole our idols! (in the victory of islam, we cracked their idol statues or we spread a message that is different)
2. At the Battle of Badr in the I don't remember Century, they used unfair tactics to defeat us. We cannot rest until the souls of our dead are avenged.(These 'Unfair Tactics' are: Reading the holy Quran, Praying to Allah. True, they cannot rest until their dead are avenged, which they have in the battle of Uhud)
3. Their religion is absurd. Offensive, really—did you know they actually believe that there is only ONE GOD? And they won't be happy until EVERYBODY believes it!(Actually, no, we are just inviting people to our relegion. Actually it's the other way around. "And they ill-treated them for no reason except they believed in Allah, Exalted power, worthy of All-Praise(EMQ:Surah Tauba sntence 8)
4. While it's not "politically correct" to say so, science has proven them to be truthful.(It's true, if you study the Quran, you'll know it's the truth.)
5. They smell weird.(Well, this is not exactly a fact)
6. They live like animals. Children, education, the future—none of these matter to them.(That's what YOU think)
7. Their music is primitive, and encourages people to return to the One God or Praising Him simply because he is Great.
8. Can you believe they DO NOT eat pork or drink wine? Think about that for a second—they actually put none in their MOUTHS.
9. They want to sully our women.(No, we asked them to close their aurat, like their hips, chest, legs, every part of the body exept their hads and face.)
10. There are so many of them—all they do is One-God thing! If we're not careful, someday soon we'll be submerged beneath a flood of pure, truthful, people!
11. If there's anything worse than a Muslim, it's a Quran-lover. These traitors are trying to destroy us from within.(No, we're trying to destroy blind faith, but that is also a form of inviting you to Islam)
12. Sure, there are a few good Muslims. But better safe than sorry.(Sorry, don't understand the 2nd sentence)
13. Yes, we killed A LOT of them. You can't expect them to understand it was in self-defense—they're totally irrational. Sooner or later, they will seek revenge, and when they do, we must be prepared to kill more. That's the only language they understand.(No, we kill for Allah, and YOU kill for REVENGE)
14. Of course we seem prejudiced. The media is obviously pro-_______.(I don't understand this either)
15. They're the reason we're so unhappy. ( THE END)
If that offended you, sorry. Just spreading truth.
Wesian, I'm not offended, but you're missing the point of the piece. The point of the piece is that EVERY group could fill out this list, and having done so, feel justified in doing whatever they wanted to do, including kill people who disagree.
You've given your list; a Christian reader could do the same; a Jew could do the same. An Irish Catholic could fill in answers that "proved" that killing Irish Protestants was justified. President Bush could fill out his list "proving" that America's war in Iraq was not only right but righteous. It's absurd.
Please don't respond by saying "But Mike, I'm right because of this verse and this verse and this verse..." Holy books are like dreams--they can be interpreted any number of ways, to suit the needs of whoever's interpreting them. I respect your right to believe what you wish, but my weblog isn't really the place to talk about that.
Wesian, I'm not offended, but you're missing the point of the piece. The point of the piece is that EVERY group could fill out this list, and having done so, feel justified in doing whatever they wanted to do, including kill people who disagree.
You've given your list; a Christian reader could do the same; a Jew could do the same. An Irish Catholic could fill in answers that "proved" that killing Irish Protestants was justified. President Bush could fill out his list "proving" that America's war in Iraq was not only right but righteous. It's absurd.
Please don't respond by saying "But Mike, I'm right because of this verse and this verse and this verse..." Holy books are like dreams--they can be interpreted any number of ways, to suit the needs of whoever's interpreting them. I respect your right to believe what you wish, but my weblog isn't really the place to talk about that.
Ok,ok,ok,ok. I know that. Just thought you wanna hear it that's all. I'm not here to argue.(about the verse and everything) I'm aware that anybody could've done that, just saying. I know anybody wouldn't listen to me even if I argue if that verse and this verse and whatever. So, Mike, about the 3rd book... is it going to sell world-wide or only a few countries?
Ok, if it makes you happy I'll shut up. (I know you're not asking me to but this typing thing is killing me, and I'm not just saying that)
Wesian, as of the moment, BT3's just in the UK, but there are deals for a bunch of other countries. A big splash in the UK would really push that along, so feel free to buy 10,000 copies, if you want!
Well, I figure that the 3rd book might be in Malaysia a little late. I'm sure you'll post it at Malaysia, cause I already bought the other two books there.
Oh, by the way, could you post THE BOX SET picture in amazon?